No Appetite
by gleekonmarswithmalfoy
Summary: Rachel is every bit the typical teenage girl, with a little extra sparkle on the side. But she's never cared about her weight. At least, she thought she didn't. Finn is struggling to cope with life & hates himself, despite Rachel's praises. GLEE S3.
1. Chapter 1

_Rachel_

''_You never eat. Like, seriously, you eat nothing.'' Quinn said, her eyes hard, but her tone maternal._

''_No, I do eat!'' I immediately defend myself. _

_Because, I _do_ eat. I've never had a problem with my body._

''_Every time you go to one of our houses, you just say you're not hungry, or take one slice of pizza or whatever, and then you never have any more!''_

''_Yeah, but it's just because I feel bad. I'm basically taking food from my friends.''_

''_Kurt told me that every time you go over to his house to hang out with Finn, you never accept anything.'' Quinn said disapprovingly._

''_It's the same for Finn, too, you know. Just 'cos he's my boyfriend doesn't mean I'm gonna mindlessly take food from his house.''_

''_Still, Rachel.''_

_All this talk isn't going to make me hungrier than I am. I do have an appetite, you know._

I got home thinking about how Finn thinks I'm perfect. I don't need any other confirmation.

Why does Quinn think I am trying to lose weight when my boyfriend thinks I'm perfect?

If he thinks I'm perfect, that should be enough to convince her I wouldn't try to get thinner.

Lately, Quinn's been nagging me to eat more, but it's easy for her to say, her metabolism does everything for her. I know she's just trying to help, but sometimes I just want everyone to shut up and let me do what I want.

I do not eat less because of what anyone has ever said, or what I think of myself. I merely have no appetite.

I stand in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear, scanning myself from head to toe and counting how many flaws are still there.

I sigh, telling myself my thighs will never be any thinner, but at least my stomach could be.

I just have to be patient. Because, I am not on a diet, nor is any of this about anything else, but that I don't have an appetite.

It's a good thing I have no appetite.

I strip off entirely and turn on the shower tap, waiting for the water to warm.

I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened a few months ago.

I just don't eat as much. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I step into the shower and look down at my bare legs, trying to figure out if they are chunky or average. They're not skinny, that's for sure.

If I want to be a star, I must look perfect, as in skinny, flawless complexion and must look good in everything (otherwise, the judges for the auditions would never pick me – I mean – they have to think about the costumes too!).

It's normal that as a destined star, I must look the part on stage. This doesn't mean I have a weight problem and am subconsciously dealing with it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Rachel_

I have to admit, the only person I've actually told of my decreased appetite is Kurt. And he understands.

The way I told him was really casually, a couple of months ago. And I'm glad he doesn't see it as a big deal, unlike everybody else.

He told me he too often indulges in cheesecake when Blaine isn't around. Thing is, Kurt doesn't gain weight the way I do. In fact, he doesn't really gain weight at all.

I may have uttered a word or two to Quinn and Tina, but neither of them heard, but they've been suspecting something.

And it annoys me.

Suspecting me of what?

Not like I cut myself, or plot my own death. Not even like I'm on a diet.

Because a diet is constantly portion-controlled meals, three times a day, with no snacks. I have never done that before.

My dads are _especially_ annoying about it.

If I see that I have too much rice on my plate for dinner, I put some back, in case I can't finish it all (I wouldn't want to waste all that food!). And then, Papa (LeRoy) has to make a scene out of it! Look, I love my dads to the furthest, most fabulous star and back, but sometimes I just can't deal with how they freak at some things that I do. And then Daddy (Hiram) starts recalling every day that I ever cut down on rice or any other food.

I just want it to stop!

I'm a girl. And more importantly and more than anything, I'm a star. It's perfectly acceptable to watch what I'm eating.

Although, with all the information everyone has; Finn telling Kurt how much I eat when I'm over, my friends throwing parties involving feasts (which apparently I don't touch the food at), me constantly telling Finn I spent the day eating whenever we're apart, and cutting down on rice every night…well, it _does_ seem like something's up.

But you'd only think something is going on if you knew everything about this.

And none of my friends are worried enough to go asking my dads about how much I eat. Also, Finn is too oblivious to notice that me constantly saying that I ate, sounds as if I am trying to cover the fact that I apparently don't eat, but luckily, he doesn't think this information is anything of value.

This is the sort of coincidental situation I'm in. I didn't plan to appear as if I don't eat much, it just _happened_.

And I do eat a lot. I don't really eat at school because the food is horrid (which you can understand), but once I'm home, I pig out and eat tuna, crackers, yoghurt and maybe even chocolate.

Hold on.

Most of the stuff I pig out on are _healthy_.

Oh my god.

Maybe I'm subconsciously anorexic.

But, as a star, I know how to be proud of my body. I know how to stay perfect.

There is no reason for me to be anorexic.

…_Is there?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Finn_

When Quinn first told me she was worried about Rachel's health, I wasn't convinced Quinn was being rational. Rachel is healthy; her skin glows and she's never sick – and – she's gorgeous every day, without even trying.

Quinn said Rachel has been cutting down on the amount of food she eats, and again, I hate myself, more than I already do, for not noticing.

The only thing she can possibly be proud of that I've done for her, is that I took up karate so I could protect her.

And she doesn't even know because I wanted it to be a secret.

I've always liked the idea of protecting her, as strong as she is, but when Rachel and I got back together after New York, I knew this time, I wanted it to be forever.

Also, I always hated the flabs I had on my stomach. I'm nearly an adult, and it's really embarrassing already developing some sort of a beer belly.

And all the guys in Glee Club have abs and I'm pretty sure that includes Artie, Kurt and Rory. Even Mr Schue has abs. But I don't.

I never had the motivation to lose that extra weight, but now I do. Because I have Rachel.

And I need to be the best I can for Rachel, and get abs.

What if in the future she's super famous and still loves me because of her big, beautiful heart, but she's embarrassed by being with me? I don't want to be that guy. I want to be _perfect_.

I'm liking this arrangement because – I lose the extra weight, I found something I'm good at (turns out my long stiff arms are great at blocking punches) and the karate uniform can double as a Jedi costume, so I really have nothing to complain about.

Except – I eat a lot of crap.

If I want to lose the extra weight, mom needs to stop feeding me so much beef stew, and I need to start eating those brown, oval-shaped nuts for snacks, the ones Kurt eats, that starts with an 'al', but I can't remember right now.

Maybe I did notice, after all.

I don't mean to, but after Rachel leaves, I tell Kurt 'She wasn't hungry so she left the guacamole we made last night.' or some sort of update like that.

And every time I ask her if she's hungry, she shakes her head says 'Nah, not really.' And then I spend about five minutes trying to convince her to eat a biscuit, which sometimes she does.

It might be creepy, but I watch her a lot. I guess, being her boyfriend and all, I really should be allowed, right?

I noticed she eats her food in little bits. Like, um, what's the word again?

_Portions!_

She eats everything in portions.

Like, every time I make her a grilled avocado sandwich (total vegans can't eat cheese), she rips it in half and then in quarters and _then _finally eats it, or takes small bites, evenly until it's all gone, which is like after fifteen minutes. It usually takes me five minutes to eat two grilled cheese sandwiches.

And when she eats cake and stuff, she slices it in half, then again, and then eats.

It's really weird.

But what if it's not weird at all? What if it's just _normal_?

But then again, _what if it isn't?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Finn_

It's been a few months now my Sensei says I'm a complete natural at karate (and I've been steadily losing weight and my muscles have more 'definition', Sam called it), which is a relief because let's face it, I'm not really good at anything else except making stupid faces and _sometimes _standing up for my friends. And neither of those skills are good for any job.

Except maybe a superhero.

…But I'm not fit enough for that.

Oh well, I never looked good in crazy-tight costumes anyway.

_Anyway, _for the past few months, Rachel's been eating less and less.

And, she sure as hell looks greater than ever, but she hardly has the energy to make out with me for a solid half hour and she's still portion-controlling (that's what Quinn told me it's called) but with a helluva lot more foods. And now instead of eating it all, she cuts out at least half of what she gets and says she can't finish it.

So, being the genius I am, I asked her why she eats things in little bits and she accused me of being like everyone else in Glee club and thinking she's anorexic too.

Like, what the hell? What does that have to do with anything?

I seriously just wanted to know why she liked cutting her food into small bits before eating them. So touchy!

Is this portion thing just something girls do?

So, last week, I went to Miss Pillsbury about it because she's a woman and maybe she'd know (heck, she probably portions too, which would be helpful to me).

She said maybe Rachel just wants a healthier diet and I told her Rachel's a vegan or vegetarian or something and Miss Pillsbury said that some people just eat neatly and like to keep things in an 'orderly way'.

I get that, but Rachel eats so little!

So, I told Miss Pillsbury and she gave me a couple of crappy flyers with stupid titles like 'HELP! I DON'T LIKE FOOD!'

I put together a…umm, what's it called?...Oh, yeah, _acoustic _version of 'Just The Way You Are' for her and I'm gonna perform it in the auditorium for her, with Sam's help on guitar.

Mr Schue always said that the power of music can inspire people and make people help themselves and stuff and I hope she hears the message, because I mean what I sing when I sing to her (as stupidly cheesy as that sounds).


End file.
